returned
by kmc
Summary: *Updated*chapter 4 up, post season 6 Spike returns with an addition, please R+R pretty please
1. Default Chapter

I own nothing, all characters and the like, hail from the mighty Joss Whedon and his ME, I merely borrow.  
  
This is my first attempt so please give me a little comment, good or bad I can take it, I wont cry I promise, nice comments preferred of course, but hey I'm not fussy  
  
  
  
Season 7, Spike arrived back in Sunnydale a couple of weeks before. with shiny new soul, disjointed, confused and unsure where he fits in, finds cheap skanky room to live in, spends time reading, thinking, struggling to handle new found feelings of guilt, and following Buffy when she's on patrol,  
  
As soon as the flashback recedes from his mind he lets out a small sigh as the now familiar feelings of dismay and disgust flood over him. All he could now feel whenever he caught sight of her. Once the sight of Buffy only brought feelings of warmth and lust now only guilt. Guilt for his actions in their last encounter, for the way they had allowed the possibilities of their relationship to pass them by and the feelings of regret for how their chance had been lost.  
  
He'd returned to his spot behinds the tree outside of her house, she'd sense someone near by a few times but never worked out who, the way he needed it to be for now, He watched her climb the steps to her house and decided that she was safe for another night and waited until she had entered her front door before heading off to his favourite haunt.  
  
His favourite haunt of course before his trip to Africa, As he entered the Bar eye's from an assortment of demons acknowledged his presence but not in the anticipated welcoming of his return he had hoped for.  
  
Demon 1 "what the hell is this"  
  
Spike to Bar tender "usual"  
  
Bar tender makes a show of wriggling his nose at Spike " Spike you um got your self a little extension while you were away"  
  
Spike starting to feel a little nervous now, not gonna show it " Er no, don't know what you mean, now I said usual, ain't been away long enough for you to forget have I"  
  
Tension in the bar starts to rise as five assorted demons begin to gather themselves around, maybe five feet from Spike.  
  
Demon 1 " this soul of yours, it um give you extra strength as well or just turn you stupid"  
  
Spike turns, mouth half open tongue firmly placed behind lower teeth  
  
Spike " So um, you noticed then" scans round eyeing up his chances "Yeah well you know what it's like when you go on vacation, gotta bring back a souvenir."  
  
Demon 1 " Just turns you stupid I see," to the large group surrounding him "so, guys, we gonna have a little fun with the souled vamp, I heard they fight like little humans"  
  
Spike, offended " Hey"  
  
Demon 2 " yeah, they're always good for a quick beating, don't fight back, don't like to harm, the poof's can't take the guilt  
  
Spike little smirk, little laugh " and you heard this where? Penguin book of vampires with souls"  
  
launches straight into attack, , managing to elbow Demon 1 out of the way but the crowds six deep and he's not coming out of this one unharmed  
  
stops his attack ( it's useless)  
  
Spike " Ok I'm out of here, I don't come back, ever, you let me walk"  
  
Demon 2 "and where would be the fun in that"  
  
Bar tender " Let him go, I just refurbished, my new image I'll be ruined if we get blood stains on the carpet"  
  
Spike nods at Bartender, thank god for refurbishments  
  
Demon 1 eyes up Bartender, eyes up Spike " fine so long as we get to escort him out"  
  
with that Spike is pushes to the ground under one mass piles of demons and mercilessly attacked from every angle, they edge towards the door as instructed and after being lifted above several of their heads he is thrown some 20 yards into the ally out side  
  
Spike through the crushing pain " Thanks for showing me the way guys remind me to visit again soon"  
  
tries to lift himself up and get away, he knows he needs to get out of site before sun rise and the bar empties  
  
but he can't, one of his arms isn't working, he's bleeding from several cut's and the pains just making him want to lie down and sleep.  
  
" Maybe that damn soul has turned me weak after all" he mutters to himself,  
  
Buffy wanders down a deserted street, eye's peeled, cemeteries had been quiet and she'd finished patrolling early, so she's decided to head back out, check out the demon haunts for trouble, humans wondering in unexpected, bar fights, something to delay her return to an empty house.  
  
She peers down the ally, it's badly lit, but she spots something, someone, huddled into a doorway, as she approaches she hears a few groans escaping,  
  
Buffy " ah someone in trouble, must be one for me"  
  
As she reaches the figure she crouches down, winces as she notices a pool of blood seeping onto the tarmac.  
  
She stands back up and lets her eye's travel up the figure before resting on the beaten face before her,  
  
Realisation hit's her with a swift thud that goes straight to her gut,  
  
Buffy "Spike" her voice trails off, as they lock eyes, staring at each other as the situation registers in their minds,  
  
Spike " er Buffy? visions not too good, is that you? "  
  
Buffy " it's, it's me, what happened to you? " she notices the pool of blood has grown  
  
Spike " long story" his eye glance over to the entrance to the bar, " welcome home reception got a bit rowdy"  
  
Buffy " your, your bleeding out"  
  
Spike " yeah"  
  
Buffy " your back"  
  
Spike " yeah"  
  
Buffy "They attacked you? You need to get out of here" her mind fills with too many thoughts to calculate in one go, spike's back, he's here in front of her, now, bleeding?  
  
Spike " standings a little bit of a problem right now luv, pain's a bit of an issue"  
  
Buffy "and there was me thinking pain was your thing" she kneels down to him "  
  
" sorry, that was probably the worst thing I could say right now, we need to get you help "  
  
Spike " No Buffy, I need help I'll get it, you don't need to… I'll be fine" he's serious  
  
She's ignoring him, grabs him under the arms and pulls him up to lean against the wall  
  
Buffy " we need to get you help"  
  
Spike sincerely " Thanks" manages a small smile  
  
She looks at him closely studying his face before taking a hand to his cheek and using her thumb to smear a trickle of blood,  
  
Buffy " right, then we should go " 


	2. chapter 2

Buffy had helped Spike walk back to within a street or so of the place he was staying, he had asked her to leave him there and she had done so.  
  
Her mind was still preoccupied with establishing what she was feeling with regards to his return.  
  
Something in her had leapt when she had first caught sight of him, something deep and primal, she was unprepared. Oh course she had thought about him returning, considered what she would do, what she would feel but all the planning in the world hadn't prepared her for actually setting eye's on him again.  
  
She returned home and flopped herself on the sofa,  
  
Buffy " right, so time to be sensible this time, no hiding away from what I feel, look where that landed me last time, no, gotta think this through carefully be grown up about it…"  
  
Dawn " Buffy, that's not you talking to yourself again is it"  
  
Dawn wondered into the living room, all dressed up and ready to go,  
  
Buffy " oh no" turning to see Dawn " you, going somewhere"  
  
Dawn "ya huh, Tuesday, Bronze, 8.00 you have a date remember, you do remember? And dawn gets to tag along and hang out with Xander and Will"  
  
Buffy " Dawn does, does she, oh yeah I remember, date, what was his name again? "  
  
Dawn " Dave I think, you remember cute, but ever so slightly a moron, "  
  
Buffy " oh and I'm going out on a date with moron, because?"  
  
Dawn " because you havn't had a date since Spike left, and your getting a little desperate"  
  
Spike, since Spike left, buffy's thoughts jolted back to earlier that evening, watching him limp away from her down the alley, not heading towards the cemetery, she knew he wasn't back in the crypt, so where exactly was he staying?  
  
Dawn " hello Buffy still in there? "  
  
Buffy " oh yeah, so what times this date of mine then? "  
  
Dawn " half an hour, you've gotta get ready in half an hour, and thats in no way gonna be long enough "  
  
Buffy " what is that suppose to mean, I look fine, come on the guys a moron what do I care what I look like "  
  
Dawn " *softly* you used to care, look how are you ever gonna find a man if you don't try a little harder"  
  
Buffy " I never used to have to try, they just fell in love with me, whether I liked it or not"  
  
Dawn " Spike"  
  
Buffy " what, who mentioned Spike? "  
  
Dawn " you did, they just fell in love with you whether you liked it or not, your talking about Spike, I can always tell, when your doing the Spike thinking you start staring out of the window, aimlessly "  
  
Buffy " do not, and lots of guys have fallen for me whether I liked it or not, not just Spike "  
  
Dawn " but you were thinking about Spike though? "  
  
Buffy " yeah, guess I was "  
  
Dawn " I'm sorry, you know that it all went wrong"  
  
Buffy " well wasn't gonna go any other way was it, so date time hey, right I'll go make myself presentable, one moron is better than no moron hey"  
  
She struggled for a smile, trying to reassure Dawn, but smiling whilst remembering how things had ended with Spike wasn't easy, the memories were still too painful, and she realised had been refreshed by seeing him again, feeling him close.  
  
Buffy and Dawn entered the bronze, spotted Willow and Xander already seated and joined them  
  
Willow " guy's, you just got here on time, Xanders off to the bar"  
  
Xander " I am? Yes I am, right drinks for one and all coming up, ones of the non-alcoholic variety for the Dawnster of course, and Buffy all ready for your date-a-fied  
  
Evening?"  
  
Buffy " *sarcastically* oh yeah"  
  
Xander " hey come on, a little enthusiasm please, Dave's a real nice guy. You know, goes out in the daylight, beating heart, no obtrusive bumpies "  
  
Buffy " funny, but it takes a little more than simply being human you know, it might help if I actually liked him "  
  
Xander getting a little annoyed " right well that's the way you wanna play it, "  
  
As Xander headed for the bar Buffy turned to Willow and Dawn.  
  
Buffy " you guy's get it right, it's not just a case of, oh look nice guy who likes you, not a vampire, kinda cute, ohh yeah I'll happily jump on him and propose within the hour, that's not what it's about, right? "  
  
Willow " right, we get it, and yeah maybe Xanders being a little pushy but, Buffy you've gotta give another guy a chance sometime, your gonna start running out of excuses pretty soon, and guys "  
  
Buffy " excuses, what excuses? So I don't fall for every guy you lot throw in front of me, maybe I'm not as desperate as you like to think I am"  
  
Dawn " Buffy no that's not what we think, but every guy you meet you just reject, you keep pushing them away, cause what? They're not Spike? "  
  
Buffy " what? where the hell did that come from? who mentioned Spike? Is that what you think? I'm not interested in anyone cause of Spike, come on, after all that happened, give me a little credit, maybe, just maybe, I'm not in the right place for this relationship that you keep wanting to throw on me "  
  
As Buffy crossed her arms and sat back in her chair glaring at her three friends, Dave arrived at the table, smile plastered on his face,  
  
Dave " hey all " looking directly at Buffy " hey, Buffy, good to see you again"  
  
Buffy " hey, yeah "  
  
Ok so she's gonna have to go through with this now and maybe they have a point, maybe just a little one, if she's comparing all guy's with Spike she's gonna be alone a long time. Not that Spike made some kind of perfect boyfriend material, god no, but the feelings, the ones he could muster from somewhere deep inside her, they were gonna be hard to replicate.  
  
Ok so I may continue this, if it's worth it, next part more B/S please please please R+R good or bad , any comments please 


	3. chapter 3

Oohh thanks for the comments, so the story continues, Ok it's got sluggish I know, so I'm gonna try and speed things up, and Buffy Spike action on it's way, keep with the reviews please, I love all reviews, what can I say I'm greedy.  
  
  
  
Buffy had sat there for one very long hour. Feeling distant from the people close to her. But she had been smiling, laughing in all the right places at Dave's lame jokes, in an attempt to convince her friends that she wasn't thinking about Spike. No, of course she wasn't thinking of Spike, wondering where he was, whether he was ok. And thinking of Spike, that wasn't making that sickly feeling return to her stomach, it wasn't raising her heartbeat, filing her mind with the image of his face she has witnessed a few hours ago, no it couldn't be.  
  
Oh hell of course she was thinking of Spike, suddenly after two months without him he was back, in Sunnydale, within reach. All the thoughts she had been pushing toward the back of her minds forced themselves to the front. She needed to stop this, needed to take control, needed to find him.  
  
Buffy " I'm sorry guys but you know, things to do" she looked pointedly at Willow and Xander, trying to persuade them she had a legitimate, slayer related reason for leaving,  
  
Dave " oh Buffy it's only half nine, surely you can stay a little longer, I still havn't told you about my new job, oh and the company car I get with it, thought we were having fun"  
  
Buffy " oh yeah we are, it's just um some stuff I can't get out of, maybe you can tell me another time" yeah like when I've got another hour of my life to waste. Ok so Dave wasn't the worst guy in the world, and some girls would probably love the attantion. But not her. And yes he was a nice normal guy and probably just what she needed, but not what she wanted.  
  
Xander " Buffy, you didn't tell us you had somewhere to be, thought you were here for the evening, and Dawns having fun" he pointed at Dawn now sitting at another table laughing with a friend.  
  
They weren't going to let her go that easily, but she couldn't stay now she had made up her mind, she needed to find Spike and she needed to do it now.  
  
Buffy " I'm sorry guys but I really need to go, Dawn can stay with you, Dave, we..should…do this again some time, bye"  
  
And she was away from the table before they could answer her.  
  
  
  
Spike was seated on a bench in the cemetery containing his old crypt.  
  
The beating from earlier was still taking it's toll, but the advantages of being a vampire allowed the healing to begin. He had decided to go for a walk and try to work his way through the impact of his earlier encounter with Buffy. Of course he had seen her before, as he watched her from afar for the past couple of weeks, but to be that close to her again, touch her, feel her near him, for her to see him, it was more intoxicating than he had remembered.  
  
They had walked back in silence earlier, slowly, both their thoughts jumbled, trying to comprehend the situation they were in. She had helped him. Forced him to take her assistance, he could not consider what that meant. He had tried to work out what she had been thinking, feeling, when she had first seen him, but he did not want to raise his hope on why she had helped, she was the slayer she helped those who needed it, it was what she did.  
  
Buffy had inevitably found herself heading towards the cemetery, where else would a slayer go to hide. Or to be found. Or to find Spike. He was no longer in his crypt or in the cemetery she knew this, but she decided to start looking there, it was close to where she had left him.  
  
She knew her friends were not happy with her, she was going to have to deal with yet more questions and more pressure when she returned. She had decided once Spike left to make sure she no longer hid from her problems, no more running away. But this wasn't running away was it? This was confronting herself, no using Spike as an excuse anymore.  
  
It didn't take long for her to spot him on the bench. It never took them long to find one another, in battle or in need they inevitably ended up with each other.  
  
He was almost perfectly still, smoking in contemplation, he should be able to sense her now, know she is close by and he did. He knew she was there watching him, but he didn't dare turn around. He didn't want to know the way she was looking at him, not yet. So he stubbed out the cigarette with his boot, and sat quietly, waiting.  
  
She quietly advanced and sat down next to him. They both stared ahead neither one quite being able to face the other. She gave in first, and turned to look at him,  
  
Buffy "Spike"  
  
He dropped his head just before he turned to her, then slowly allowed his gaze to travel upwards until their eyes locked,  
  
Spike "Buffy"  
  
  
  
Next chapter coming very soon to a screen near you, and more B/S goodness coming I promise, oh and maybe even some dialogue. Please keep your thoughts coming. 


	4. chapter 4

Phew a long time till updated but here now, thoughts please  
  
Neither one really wanted to go first, but Buffy had started this conversation so she was going to continue it,  
  
Buffy "you ok? I mean earlier, you looked pretty beat up,"  
  
Spike " I'm fine, well, healing pretty quick, don't think I'll be revisiting the bar anytime soon though" he smiled, she still looked concerned,  
  
Buffy " what happened? not cheating at the kitten poker again? "  
  
Spike " um something like that" she wasn't gonna be learning the real reason anytime soon, he was having enough trouble adjusting to his new self, he didn't want to deal with Buffy's knowing about the soul just yet.  
  
They returned to their positions of staring out into the darkness, so much to say, so few words. He knew what he wanted to say, what he wanted to tell her. To say sorry? No sorry was never gonna be enough. Every time he had seen her since his return, he had played out what he would say, what he needed her to understand. How he knew what he had done, and how he understood that she couldn't forgive him, that she shouldn't. But the words wouldn't come, not the way he wanted them.  
  
He turned to her and simply said  
  
Spike " I'm sorry"  
  
He instantly regretted it. It wasn't right, that wasn't the right thing to say, how could she react to that? He sighed and looked back at the floor,  
  
Buffy " for what"  
  
She needed to know, needed to talk to him, they had to start somewhere.  
  
Spike "Everything, I mean, all of it, everything that happened, with us, what I did"  
  
Buffy shuffled in her position, still unable to look at him, he was looking at her, she could feel it, feel his eye's watching every flicker of movement, looking for signs, a hint of her reaction.  
  
Buffy " what you did, you do know what you did? You get it, right?"  
  
Spike "I know, and I know that I can't apologise for it. I can't, there's nothing I can do." He can't look at her, can't be near her.  
  
Spike " I should go"  
  
He gets up, looks down at her. She came here to talk to him, now he was leaving, wasn't that her line?  
  
Buffy "No, you shouldn't go, your back and we need to do this," Spike " Do what, we both know what happened. I tried to rape you Buffy, I, I almost, what I could of done" His voice is breaking, damn the soul right now. Not that he needed it to feel the shame and guilt he felt right now.  
  
She shuddered at the words. Since he had been gone, she spent plenty of time considering how she felt about what had happened. She had felt the anger and rage and humiliation, gone through all of the emotions, but she still couldn't work out how she felt.  
  
Buffy " I know, I was there" cold, doing her best to keep herself under wraps as much as she could.  
  
Buffy " but what else could I have expected from you? You're a vampire, you have no soul, you take what you want right?" ok the anger was getting harder to control right about now, but she needed to get this out.  
  
Spike "No"  
  
Spike "I mean, it wasn't about that, taking what I want, it was, I was desperate"  
  
Buffy " right, I see, desperate, you needed sex so you knew where to come"  
  
Spike " No" stands up, voice raised, deep breath, gonna make sure he gets this out right  
  
Spike " I was desperate for you, for you to be mine, to be with me, for you to love me" " when we were together I had you with me, it was all that mattered, that I had you close for once. In that time before you would run from me, you were mine and I needed it back, it's all I wanted"  
  
Buffy " so what, rape me and then I'll declare my undying love? God you really are sick and twisted" " I'm just disgusted I ever thought about it"  
  
Spike " but you did, you admitted it, you had feeling for me, and then I lost it, I lost it all"  
  
Looking up at the despair written upon his face, she softened a little. Not on what had happened, but right here, right now, she had said her piece, done what she needed to, dragging out this argument was gonna lead no where.  
  
Her stomach was in knots, her head spinning, seeing him again, and dealing with this in one day was just too much, she needed time to think. They changed tactics, she was now the one that wanted to leave.  
  
Buffy "what I felt was then, and any feelings I had for you disappeared that day." Any feelings? Was that true? Probably not, but what feelings she didn't know, couldn't work that out yet, but she had to make him believe this for now  
  
Buffy " what you did was beyond wrong, love or no love for me, it doesn't matter anymore. I can never trust you again I realise that now, you have no soul, no conscience whatever good you do is what? Just to please me, that's not what being a man is about, but your not a man, just a vampire without a soul"  
  
Oh god, how many times was she gonna mention that one? The urge to tell her was getting too strong, if maybe she knew how bad he had felt, and what he had done for her, so it could never happen again, maybe then she could believe just how truly sorry he was.  
  
Spike "That's not true, there's something I have to tell you"  
  
Buffy "nothing you can tell me is gonna make a difference"  
  
Spike "this will"  
  
As he spoke, Buffy jumped up with a start as someone approached form behind.  
  
Xander "ahh Buffy, busy doing your I can't stay at my date for another second slayer duties I see"  
  
TBC if ya want Ya want? Then tell me, if not then don't, In other words...reviews.reviews..reviews pretty please 


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